The Future of the Great Southern Gnomeland
by Shockadelic
G'day.
My name is Shockadelic.
Yes, it is.
I am a Gnome, born in the
Great Southern Gnomeland, where we speak Gnomish, which by some
strange coincidence, looks and sounds just like modern English.
Many Gnomes are concerned
about the future of the Great Southern Gnomeland, and the greater
Gnomeworld, of which it is a small but delightful part, and I wish to
discuss this with you today.
The Great Southern
Gnomeland, which for brevity's sake I may simply call Gnomeland, was
once the Land of the Giants.
The Giants lived here for
40,000 years before the arrival of the Gnomes.
They still constitute
around 2% of the population.
Many died in the early
years of Gnome settlement, primarily due to diseases they had no
immunity to.
There was little
bloodshed, unlike the Gnome invasions of Fairyland, Elfland and
Trollworld.
Giants may look fierce,
but are usually gentle Creatures, unless provoked.
Gnomes are often
castigated over their past invasions of Other Worlds, but spent much
of history fighting other Gnomes.
The last great Gnome
conflict, Gnomeworld War II, caused by particularly obnoxious Gnomes
in sexy uniforms, was so bad, Gnomes decided they would never fight
again, and a period of peace and prosperity began.
Around the same time, some
Gnomes, who didn't seem to like being Gnomes at all, were possessed
by Evil Spirits, who cast a spell, making them speak pleasant but
shallow words, proffering a merger of all the Creature Worlds, to be
more “efficient” and “humanitarian”.
The Evil Spirits claim to
“love” all Creatures, but they're actually corrosive and believe
in Nothing.
They used the guilt over
past Gnome invasions to open the gates of the Gnomeworld to all other
Creatures.
The other Creature Worlds
remained much the same, despite past periods of Gnome political
control.
Fairies lived with
Fairies, Elves lived with Elves, and Trolls lived with Trolls.
A few Gnomes remained from
the colonial legacy.
Fairies, Elves and Trolls
had never lived together before, nor had most even met
a Gnome.
Yet the pleasant-words
spell made everyone ignore this.
So Fairies, Elves and
Trolls started getting Rainbow rides across to the Gnomeworld,
including our Gnomeland, first in small numbers, but then millions.
Gnomes who questioned this
were told to throw themselves off a cliff, and were compared to the
obnoxious Gnomes with the sexy uniforms, who had caused so much
trouble before.
One Southern Gnome with
red hair spoke up and got thrown in prison on false charges.
But the time has come to
stop listening to the Evil Spirit-possessed Gnomes and protect the
future of Gnomeland (and the greater Gnomeworld).
We must stop allowing any
more permanent Rainbow rides from the Other Worlds (except for
post-colonial Gnomes stranded there).
Many Fairies, Elves and
Trolls would like to return to their Worlds, but are unemployed or
work as cleaners, waiters and call centre operators, so don't have
enough gold to buy a Rainbow ride.
We should stop funding
OtherWorld Aid and use that gold to help these homesick but poor
Creatures return home (and help poor stranded post-colonial Gnomes
come here).
Some Fairies, Elves and
Trolls will still live amongst us, and need not fear.
They can still eat Fairy
food, wear Elf clothes and worship Troll gods.
Gnomes value personal
freedom highly, and will respect your privacy, as long as you do no
harm.
As the stress of the
recent UniWorld Experiment fades from memory. a new equilibrium will
emerge in Gnomeland, and everyone, Gnome, Giant, Fairy, Elf and
Troll, will be happier and healthier.
Can you join me in this
quest?
Let's work and play
together, laugh and cry together, but most importantly of all, sing
and dance together.
We will survive.
©
2017 Shockadelic
May
be reproduced in full with attribution.
